i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
I'm just crazy horny about you
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
Randomize
