HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
he quoted the bible to break up with me
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
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