Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
accomplished twins. life is a go
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
Randomize
