I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
Randomize