i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
He did a backflip because drugs
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Randomize
