its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
