she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
Randomize
