i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
