he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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