Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize
