Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
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