Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
cat food counts as protein by the way
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
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