oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
