Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
Randomize
