Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
I'm jealous of your bromance
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
Randomize
