Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
yeah, we don't understand. the wings losing for guys is like girls finding objects in their body..just weird and sad
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
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