im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Randomize
