Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
