I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
Randomize
