You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
My vagina is officially offended.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
