So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
