Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
Randomize
