She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
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