He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
Randomize
