I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
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