just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
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