I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
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