I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Randomize
