I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Randomize
