It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Randomize
