this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Randomize
