This dress was meant to end up on your floor
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
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