I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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