he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
These tits shall not be calmed
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Randomize
