she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Randomize
