I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
Randomize
