Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
Screwed.edu
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
Randomize
