Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
