South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
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