Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Randomize
