While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
