I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Randomize
