Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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