A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
We're using joints as your birthday candles
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
Randomize
