I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
Randomize
