I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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