what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Pooping to opera.
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