Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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