Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Randomize
