he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
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