Midget sex pt 2 tonight
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Randomize
