can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
did you just send me my own nude
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
Randomize
