return my video game
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
Randomize
