went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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