No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
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