i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
