well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
