Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
