I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
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