you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
Randomize
