It was confusing and full of hummus
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
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