Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
Randomize
