He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
