And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
Randomize
