it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
Randomize
