..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
we should paint friendship bongs
Randomize