thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
Randomize
