You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
There's always time for handjobs
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
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