I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Randomize
